Mental War Games

The first line in my journal today says, "God, is this what crazy feels like?"

I could be an informercial today for PMS. No doubt. Just ask Larry, or even Luke. As the saying goes, "when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy..." They can testify to the accuracy of that statement.

This entire weekend, I have been in the midst of a mental war game so intense, so heated, that this morning I was forced to my knees in desperation of deliverance. The wonderful hormonal shifts that I am experiencing right now were no added benefit, but they weren't the root of this battle. This war's original battle took place years ago, when Satan first began to whisper deception into my welcoming ears. Although long fought and hard won, the master deceiver still gets jabs in every now and then when I'm weak and "uncovered".

We went to church last night, so this Sunday morning started later than usual. I rolled out of bed (prompted by an incessantly "ready" 5 year old boy) and desperately sought out my beloved coffee. No sooner than I sat down at the bar with my peanut butter and jelly toast, the temptations began assaulting me. As the battle heated, my mind felt like the setting for an old civil war movie. One lie, one temptation after another were thrown at me; and instead of automatically fighting back with TRUTH, I tried fighting on my own. This was not a pretty picture, because when I'm fighting on my own, I just become angry. I snap. I grown. I complain. I whine about "how it's so hard.."

My sweet husband grabbed me, hugged me with all his might, and authoratively reminded me that I needed God's word to fight this. So I stubbornly marched myself into the bedroom, pulled out my bible and sat. Angrily. After a few seconds of sulking, I flipped open the word of God and just bawled my puffy eyes out. I begged Him to just reach down and pull me out of this fight. For crying out loud, God, can't You just grab me up and pull me out of this battlefield?

In a matter of minutes, a soft wind of His faithfulness blew right across my mind. In the depths of my spirit, He gently whispered that my weapons of warfare are not fleshly weapons.

Immediately I went to 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5, "..for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations (lies!) and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..."

I began to imagine myself being assaulted by flaming blasts of untruths, Satan's way of leading me into disaster. As the fiery darts of his lies were coming at me, I realized I had a shield. The shield of faith, wherewith I have the ability to stand up and defend myself from the brutal weapons of the enemy. Instead of sitting back and allowing myself to be brainwashed, I can wield spiritual weapons that have the power to demolish fortresses of deceit.

Not only that, GOD is my Mighty Fortress of Strength. Of TRUTH. Of Victory. In the ugliest point of battle, I ran to Him. I ran to my Rock of comfort and deliverance. And now I'm sitting here telling on the enemy. Telling others how he didn't win this time. Telling others that though he can get me down to a point of "crazy", God has my back.

Take heart. Though the battle wages long and victory seems impossible, our weapons are not wimpy weapons. We can powerfully fight with the Sword of the Spirit (the Word of God..the Truth), and when we fight with Truth - Satan always loses. He's a loser by his very nature, and listening to him and believing we are hopeless is a ludicrous fallacy.

Instead of moping around today and reacting to every situation with a short fuse, I am going to spend the day with my precious son and loving husband. We will certainly all rejoice at this particular win...because when momma is happy, we're all happy. When mommy stands up to the voice of the enemy and yells, "Liar!!", the whole family is refreshed by the fragrance of victory.

If you know me, you know I'm as competitive as it gets...so victory is even that much sweeter. There will undoubtedly be many more battles in this war. But I won this one...and I'll win the next one, as long as I choose to run to the only Fortress that is indestructible....my Jesus.