The Decision is Life or Death

"But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." Ruth 1:16

This verse hit me between the eyes last night. My friend and I are in week one of Kelly Minter's Ruth bible study. When we picked this particular study, I was cynically thinking that I knew the book inside out; therefore I probably wouldn't learn anything new. It's funny that I'm always wrong when I think I know everything.

Although Ruth is saying these words to Naomi (her bitter mother-in-law) about their journey back to Bethelem, I realized that I was in the same situation....though on a spiritual rather than physical journey.

Naomi and her husband, along with their two daughters-in-law left Bethelem for Moab. Naomi's husband and sons eventually died, and Naomi decided to return to her home. I have heard and read this story 203 times since I was in Sunday School as a child. Yet I never grasped that Naomi and her family initially left Bethelem (their God-given land) for Moab, which was enemy territory. Moab was a country without God's favor, without His blessing. Therefore they were essentially leaving the place God had given them, for a land they thought would be better. Because, naturally, the grass is always greener and the land is more desirable on the other side.

Aren't I often tempted to leave "my land" when I think something else is better? Hasn't that been my situation for the last six months? Doesn't this all go back to Eve believing what the stupid serpent said was better than what God had provided already?

Without going off on Eve's tangent, Ruth's words struck me to the core. She committed in her heart to do the right thing - the "thing" that required devotion and faith. She emphatically told Naomi that she would go wherever she went....and would worship whomever she worshiped. This commitment resounded within me like that big gong on Let's Make a Deal. I had drifted into an unknown land, a land that I convinced myself was just a mini-vacation spot. Even though I knew this trip was altogether wrong, I was stubborn-headed and foolish enough to convince myself that my choices are sometimes better than God's.
And now, God has lovingly interrupted that journey because He wants me home. He knows that His joy and peace are mine only within the borders of His planned "land" for me. The enemy can tempt and taunt and deceive and make valiant efforts to make a very wrong situation look beautiful and enticing and thrilling. Then when you arrive in that place, the walls crumble; it's not what you thought; it's ugly, sinful, and just plain devastating. This place makes you weary, and it's void of peace and full of deceit. Home, you realize, is ripe with abundance, joy, love and truth.

So you make the decision to return. You grasp the gracious hand of God and allow Him to lead you back to His arms. And you cry out with the determination of Ruth and say, "I will go where you go...and I will stay where you stay." And you pray that God would trade your heart of stone for a heart of flesh...because you know that it's not sheer willpower that will keep you home. It's only His perfect love that drew you back, and it's only by absolute surrender to His love that makes you stay.

I do have a purpose -- I really, really do!

You know I haven’t posted a normal post in a long time when the topic of this post alludes to the fact that I need to re-establish a purpose here. If that did not make sense, I’m sorry. It didn’t even make much sense to me, but I so love the word “alludes” and really needed to find a sentence in which to use it.

Now that you are completely lost, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the purpose of my blog. A normal, successful blogger would have thought about this before ever writing their first post. However I always like to do things backwards. And if you ask God, He will tell you I also do things stubbornly, pridefully, sinfully backwards. But that's altogether another topic. Thus far, I have used this blog to compose everything from toddler anecdotes to sermon summarizations to my own investigative findings in scripture. I have even shared excerpts from cooking disasters, and I have blogged about reading the Bible in 90 days...which I quit after 3 months (i'm doing that again, though...minus the blog commitments....one thing at a time, please). With all that taken into consideration, I believe it’s time for a singular purpose here, and I know all three of you who read this have been wondering when I would draw this conclusion.

I originally started blogging because if I’m not writing something, I get overly explosive inside (no, not hormonally explosive). It’s like words must come out through my fingertips onto a keyboard or I will spontaneously combust. And of course, there is the part of me which loves for others to be encouraged by my mistakes or truths I have learned as a result of those mistakes. Frankly, I just always like an audience; and I’m not too proud to admit that. It’s a nice thing to know that people actually (on occasion) read what I write, and if in some way you are inspired by these humble words of mine, then praise God.

So without further adieu (another word I really like), the purpose of this blog will be to exemplify the lifestyle of a true heiress in Christ: rich in love, full of mercy and completely dependant on her benefactor.

I hope some one person in some way at some point in time will be blessed by the words written here.

I fell off the face of the earth....

Hi Friends,

I am sheepishly writing this post....

The last few months in my life have not been full of shining moments. Needless to say, I retreated; talked to very few people; ceased any form of online communication unless it was work-related; and basically hid in a hole.

I won't discuss the reasons or issues or anything like that, simply because they are too fresh and too personal. I will say, however, that my mind has cleared and God's mercies are new every morning. I am so utterly thankful that He loves me even though I'm a mess. I'm super glad that He heals and loves and offers amazing, limitless grace. This girl is just a fool at times....a fool who needs Jesus.

SO, there you have it. I'm here. alive and well. and back to blogging. AND, get this: I'm doing the Bible in 90 Days again....this time, I'm not quitting in the second month. Take that, Devil.

An update on the exciting life of Amy Dalke.

I have spent the last two months in a blur. It seems as though I have had barely enough time to read two rounds of the Little Critter books with Luke before bed. So that's why I haven't been writing lately.....not that I have less time in 24 hours than anyone else; blogging just hasn't been a priority (even though that was a New Year's resolution). Well, another one bites the dust. I'm used to it. (grin)

But this post isn't a whine session, although I'm pretty skilled at that. In all actuality, this post isn't about anything of substance. Oh yeah, except for that introductory sentence.....an update on my exciting life. I think I have already covered that when I mentioned the Little Critter books. That's about as eventful as it gets around here.

One thing I have learned since January 1, 2010, is that I constantly need God. I cannot make one decision without Him. I am absolutely convinced that He is IT. He is everything to me.
Without Him, I'm done. A waste. A fool.

Of course, I'm not just realizing that....but it has become blatantly clear to me over the last two and a half months that I am just a disaster waiting to happen when I step out of His light. When I try to convince myself that doing things my way "won't be so bad".....I'm brought directly to my knees in desperation. This enlightenment should not have to take on such regularity, except that I am as stubborn as they come. Pride rears its ugly head in me so quickly that I literally need the Word to be intravenously fed to me at times.

I am ever so thankful - increasingly grateful - for grace. As a 32-year old woman prone to wander, I am humbled by the fact that His grace is sufficient for even me.

I'm off now to have birthday cake with a sweet 11 year old girl. And yes, the exciting life continues....

Walking Through Spider Webs

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks: so much for that resolution of writing 3 posts a week. :)

Although I have not been consistent thus far in the blogging portion of my resolution, I HAVE stayed on track with reading the Bible in 90 days. I'm patting myself on the back for that one, because this consistently inconsistent gal needs some sort of self-congratulation when relative success has been achieved.

That introductory prideful paragraph has nothing to do with the subject of this post, however. So pretend I have just written a beautiful transition paragraph [here].

I have recently been working closely with a client, who has (on the surface) an astounding ego and a confident presence in the world of economic consulting. His educational background is revered in his particular line of business; and at a young age, he has built for himself an empire which his competitors covet.
With multimillions in the bank and houses across the country, this man is what the world deems successful. He writes policy papers that stimulate new trends in one of our world's largest industries, and he testifies as an expert in high-profile lawsuits on behalf of his Fortune 10 clients.
This man, however, is empty. He is constantly searching for "more". The checks aren't big enough; the glamorous trips don't satisfy; and his mini kingdom doesn't fulfill the ache in his heart. Although he has certainly not communicated this information to me, it's obvious that he is insecure and unsatisfied.

I have spent time with him, in which he is constantly trying to impress me with his achievements: both financial and intellectual. He talks of his ability to do anything and go anywhere that money can afford.

As I was reading my Day 38 today, this man came to mind as I read one of Jobs' friend's monologues. I found such truth in Bildad's words:

"What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider's web. He leans on his web, but it gives way; he clings to it, but it does not hold." -Job 8:14

Though my client has "the world at his fingertips," he holds on to emptiness.

We can trust in our status, but it does not hold against the weight of disaster.
We can trust in our ability to do business, but it does not hold when the economy takes a downward spiral.
We can trust in our intellect, but it does not hold when no one else listens.
We can trust in our athletic ability, but it does not hold when we suffer a season-ending injury.
We can trust in our appearance, but when natural aging takes place, physical beauty fades.
We can trust in our health, but the doctor's words remind us this body wasn't built to last forever.
We can trust in our bank account as security against disaster, but this, too, is temporary.

Our only hope is to trust in God's unfailing love. God has promised that, "He will never leave us, nor forsake us." (Hebrews 13:5); He has given us the unbreakable assurance that, "neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8: 38-39)

So for my client who trusts in his spider webs, I pray for his eyes to be opened. For me, I pray for constant awareness of the frailty of worldly security. I pray for the ability to recognize the deceitfulness of riches and to flee from it's clutches.

The Lord is good, and His lovingkindness endures forever. He is the ONE thing, the ONLY thing, that endures forever. AMEN.

18 days straight

I'm on Day 18 of Reading the Bible in 90 Days. Can I even tell you how much I'm patting myself on the back because I have consistently done something for the last 18 days??

Actually, doing something consistently for the last 18 days is not the big shocker. The fact that I have consistently done something that is not self destructive for the last 18 days is the big deal.

Oh please, you know what I mean. It's not like I have a drug habit or anything like that. Although as prone to sin as I am, it's only by the grace of God that I'm not begging and stealing for my next drug fix.

Can we skip that entire introduction? Because I don't want my mom to get a whiff of this post and think I need to be in therapy for drug related issues. No, mom; I'm just being relative here.

Back to this post's original intent (well, if it had one). I'm quite all over the board today, so pardon me if you're getting annoyed.

Over the course of the last 18 days, I have fallen in some love with Moses. How awesome that he got to meet with God face to face. How cool to be called God's friend!! And I just hate it that he didn't get to go into the Promised Land. For crying out LOUD, he dealt with those whiny Israelites for 40 years just to get them there.....and then all he got to do was look at the view from a mountaintop?

Although Moses and I have developed a bond, I am far more enthralled with Moses' God. Over and over He shows love to the Israelites...and over and over they reject Him. As I always do when I'm reading, I put myself in the Israelite's shoes (or sandals?). I get so frustrated with them, but I'm certain I would be right along with them, fashioning my own handmade idols and worshiping all sorts of false gods. I'm just amazed at the persistence God exhibits on their behalf. His love is relentless!

And as cool as it is that Moses had such an intimate relationship with God..we are invited to an even closer relationship. WE ARE GOD's DWELLING PLACE.

Moses et al had to cart around the tabernacle from place to place....and offer up all kinds of sacrifices before they could be in God's presence. Yet Emmanuel....God with us. Christ came to this earth and lived among us, so that He could be THE one and only sacrifice for our sins. He died on that cruel cross and rose again victoriously so that the veil was torn and we could intimately fellowship with God every single moment of our lives. No priest stands between us. No curtain that we cannot cross. No more sacrifices. Only Jesus...

And speaking of Jesus: He is the only reason I can do ANYTHING non-self-destructive for 18 days straight and counting.....Praise the Lord.

By the way - I think this post could win a "most random award.."

Bible in 90 Days updates and such

I'm on Day 11 of the Bible in 90 days.....and still plugging along. I have been excited to wake up each morning to spend time in God's Word (with The Word), and I've found that the Lord has spoken to me daily.....even in the book of Numbers. Go figure. Who knew he doesn't just appear in Psalms and the New Testament!?

So here is today's SOAP on my reading:

Scripture: Numbers 16:37-38a

"Tell Eleazar, son of Aaron, the priest, to take the censers out of the smoldering remains and scatter the coals some distance away, for the censers are holy -
the censers of the men who sinned at the cost of their lives......"

Observation:

Korah and his companions sinned at the cost of their lives! God opened up the earth to literally swallow them whole because they insisted on "having their own way". Isn't that the root of all our sin......the persistance to just have things done...or do things...our own way?
Although we may not die an earthly death when we commit sin, we can be assured that a little piece of our abundant life shrivels up and dies. It is reality: sin = death. Spending enough time wallowing in our own self-willed flesh kills us every time.
My heart aches and my stomach hurts as I am convicted of this fact in my own life. Our choices can be deadly if they aren't founded in the wisdom of God's living word.

Application:

Note to self: do not take things into my own hands.....
Note to self: Trust that God's way is better than mine: every single time. There is not that "one time" that I have it right all on my own.
Note to self: Revere God as the Author of Life; the Creator - the MasterMind of the Universe. He deserves our utmost respect. ("The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." - Proverbs 9:10
Note to self: Don't act like Korah.

Prayer:

Lord, I look up to the heavens, and I acknowledge Who created this universe. If I cannot trust Your ways above my own, then I am in sad shape.....because who better to listen to than the One who knows all things? Forgive me for asserting my own will so deliberately and foolishly. Thank You for Jesus....because without Him, I would surely suffer the same fate as Korah.
Thank You for providing the perfect sacrifice. It pains me to even imagine how small I make You in my mind. Open my eyes so that I can see You everywhere....hear You everywhere....and follow You everywhere.
In Jesus' name,
Amen